Blessings > Worries

These last two weeks have been difficult.

Actually, to be honest, this entire semester has been difficult. The adjustment to new leadership positions, larger time commitments, and harder classes has taken its toll. As much as it goes against my very nature to admit it, I'm realizing that my academic pursuits this semester might not leave me as satisfied as I would hope. That's a tough realization for a girl who feels like a large part of who she is as a person is determined by her grades. Other, more internal struggles have only added to the feeling of desperation that has been ever-present recently. I feel like I have to work even harder to catch up, and I probably stress myself out even more by doing so. Simply put, I've been feeling like I'm drowning. 

And then there's the fact that I haven't gone to Mass the last two weekends or to Overflow for at least the last month, only because I feel like if I went I wouldn't complete everything I needed to accomplish. I look back on that logic and think to myself, Oh Shelby...you should have known better. 

How on Earth did I think that would do me any good? God is the one I need the most right now. I should be clinging to God even MORE in the times when I feel like my whole life is going crazy. Today I reestablished that habit; instead of listening to my normal pop-dancey playlist during my morning run, I jogged it out with Shane & Shane. It was perfect. The run didn't seem as long or as hard as usual, I got to reflect in God's great love for me...I couldn't have asked for a better start to my day. 

I never doubted God was there in these last two weeks, but I didn't take the time I should have to pray and rely on God and give myself over to God's will. The knowledge that God's love is so steadfast and faithful is such a comfort, especially when I feel like I might not be meeting the expectations of those around me, or even just the expectations I hold for myself. 

As always, my friends and family are such amazing blessings to me. I wouldn't have been able to handle all these new challenges without them. My parents especially have helped me realize that I simply need to adjust my focus and give thanks for my innumerable blessings when I begin to feel desperate and inadequate. Knowing that I worry far too much, especially about schoolwork, my mom left me with some wonderful wisdom during a phone call today: "Prepare, pray, do your best, and then let it go." Four simple steps to describe how I should go about life. My mother is brilliant.

Thinking about worry also reminded  me of Philippians 4:6, which states, "Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." In short, worry about nothing but pray about everything. I'm fairly confident it is now my life motto. 

With these things in mind, I choose to move forward.