Maintaining Composure

Nerves. They're never too far away. Whether or not they're warranted is irrelevant; in any given situation, if you were to bet I was nervous about something, you'd probably be right. I get nervous about the normal things, like acing difficult exams or making good impressions, but then there are the silly things as well.

Like when the nerves build up the night before camp starts. This camp is one that I've attended for four years, not as a participant, but as a volunteer and staff member. I adore my job (it's one of the best parts of my summer), I'm good at working with the kids I serve, and I love my crazy, wonderful coworkers. The youth I serve are constantly teaching me more than I could ever teach them, and even on difficult days, work is a joy.

However, on a certain Sunday night in the third week of June, I found myself becoming extremely nervous in anticipation of the next day, the first day of camp. It might be because I was about to assume responsibility for the safety of other people's children (always a daunting prospect), or because I was worried about getting back into the swing of things after a year. Whatever the reason, what I needed to realize at that point was that all I could do the next day was my best, giving up my talents and energy and love to those kids and know that it was sufficient.

Nerves will be in no short supply in the upcoming weeks as I strive to impress a countless number of new faces. These girls will be asking many questions of me and picking up on little details about me that I probably won't even realize they'll notice. It's mildly terrifying to think about. Once again, what I'll have to realize on that Saturday night, the night before it all begins, is that all I can do is my best. In being myself and being honest with the girls I meet that week, I will be content in knowing I've done all I could.

Something my mom likes to tell me when she knows I'm nervous is, "You prepare as much as you can in the time beforehand, do your best when the time comes, and then lift the rest up and let God handle it, because you've already done all you can." Leave it to a mother to know exactly what to say when her child needs her; that piece of wisdom gets me through so many moments of doubt. It is such a comfort to know that God is constantly providing for me, even when I don't deserve it, and it is that providence and love that I focus on and am thankful for when my nerves are getting the best of me.